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A clear build-up to the climax, with sound and action details that put the reader inside the food court.
Fear is described with the same stock phrases twice. Show it through what the narrator does in the next draft.
- Aligned to MOE English syllabus
- Marked in about 5 minutes
- Handwritten or typed
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Composition doesn't have an answer key, so someone has to read and analyse every line. The practice stops with whoever has the time and expertise. With Playwrite, every compo your child writes gets in-depth feedback instantly.
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01Upload the question
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02Submit the composition
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Jenny asked Joyce to escuse her, then asked him in an ferious manner. “John, why didn’t you put your cutlery back?” Jenny than walked away.
3 to fix7 used well03Read the feedback report
Discover what went well, what to fix, and what to practise next.
Marked on every criterion in the exam rubrics.
Content and Language scored separately, a band and a reason for each of the five criteria, and targeted annotations on the lines themselves, each with a rewrite showing how to make it stronger.
Suddenly, the atmosphere shifted. A gang of menacing figures stormed into the food court1, their presence as intimidating as their leather jackets and glinting knives. My heart pounded in my chest as fear gripped me.2 The air was filled with screams and the clatter of overturned chairs3 as chaos erupted.
"Where's the money? Better hand it over, or you may never get out of here alive!" one of the gang members barked at the teenagers beside me. In an instant, fists flew as the two groups clashed4, the sound of violence echoing through the food court.
Panicking, I fumbled for my mobile phone and dialled the police. But one of the gang members spotted me. He advanced, a metal bar raised threateningly. Terror coursed through me, and I braced for the worst.5
- Strong verb. "Stormed" shows the threat without announcing it.
- A familiar phrase for fear. Show it through what the narrator does instead.
- Sound detail puts the reader inside the food court.
- Short, quick action. The pace matches the climax.
- Second stock phrase for fear in three paragraphs. Vary it, or cut to the action.
Content Feedback
Relevance to question
L4The fight is the centre of the story and every scene serves it.
Plot development
L4The narrator's own call is what brings the police, so the ending is earned rather than lucky. To improve, give the raised metal bar, the most dangerous moment in the story, more than one sentence.
Language Feedback
Organisation of writing
L4Paragraphs move the reader through the scene in order.
Grammar and spelling accuracy
L3A few tense slips in the action paragraphs.
Vocabulary and expression
L4Strong verbs and sound detail, with two stock phrases to replace.
Playwrite also comes with tools to guide the practice.
- IntroductionWho, what they want, where and when...
- Rising ActionFirst... Just then... Because of that...
- ClimaxThe biggest moment, second by second...
Guided planning
Shape the plot on a story mountain before the first sentence.
- Search e.g. “nervous”
- a knot in my stomachStarter
- heart hammeringMy phrase
- the sky bruised purpleStarter
- shoulders saggedMy phrase
Phrase bank
A searchable library of strong phrases, plus the ones your child saves, on hand while they write.
An Unlikely Friendship
Model composition · P6
“Outside Mr Tan’s flat, I saw that his flower pot had been knocked over. Dry soil lay like a small brown island. I bent down to put the plant back.”
Model compositions
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